Who Is My Real Self?
This is one of my pivotal life reflections I journaled on while flying from New York to Israel sitting alone with my thoughts.
In my journey of getting to know myself I have found that journaling has reliably brought me clarity, access to my subconscious and calmness. I have decided to share the entry with you to extend the message that you are not alone, and also to show the deep emotional revelations that can come up while journaling! After my journal entry I explain how you can identify your real self from your false self with some deep examples that I’m sure you’ll like.
Here is my journal entry…
Feeling my own pain is one of the hardest things in this world.
I felt lots of it growing up and into my adulthood.
As an adolescent I had learned two things about pain.
That pain is a sign of weakness and if you show it you’re a shameful loser with a capital “L”.
When I was in elementary school I held the belief that I must be friends with the “cool kids” so I don’t feel the shamefulness of being a loser.
I didn’t fit in with the popular crowd, and I felt very left out. Alone. Empty.
What was even more lonely was having to push these feelings under the rug because NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND.
After I pushed my feelings under the rug I numbed myself by watching TV and telling myself I didn’t care.
Well, the problem must have been solved since I didn’t care right?
I was getting by, by watching joey from friends audition again and not get cast for the roll, learned that there was a hurricane in Florida when I lived miles away, and had no more pain! Problem solved!
It wasn’t exactly that easy. This in fact was a lie to myself that MADE IT WORSE!
What I had only learned years later was that:
1. These feelings of pain (emptiness and loneliness) had stayed with me and…
2. By solving my problem incorrectly, I was filling my pain container higher, and higher.
I created DEEPER PROBLEMS that seemed impossible to solve. I noticed it wasn’t only me. Thousands of people around me were also feeling alone and empty.
They would numb themselves also with materialism, and technology accompanied with a FALSE persona while they hid behind CAREER TITLES and TALENTS FOR IDENTITY!
Though I was amongst thousands I still felt that heart wrenching pain of loneliness.
As time passed that pain turned into a depression, and the yearning to feel love and belonging became stronger.
Life began to feel like a hassle as I watched my excitement fade to blankness.
The lack of motivation and numbness ensued.
I wanted to get out of this numbness however I was stuck in the mud desperately looking for a way out.
I kept hiding behind prestigious career titles and linking my worth to the success of whoever I was dating until I learned the MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON THAT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER.
LIFE DIDN’T GET BETTER UNTIL I CRIED.
After I began to let it all out I felt an increasing freedom flow from my loosening chest to every limb in my body.
Finally! I experienced being freed of the desperation to feel love and belonging because I was there for myself. I felt my grief and began to be gentle to myself. I started to practice self-love by CONNECTING TO MY NEEDS, EMOTIONS, and by GIVING TO MYSELF.
I BELONGED TO MYSELF.
What most people don’t know is that the secret to connecting to yourself and loving yourself is that it can only be done by connecting to your “real self” and sharing your real self with others who are safe.
Take my word for it- CONNECTING TO YOURSELF IS THE BIRTH OF HAPPINESS.
Don’t allow anyone to talk you into neglecting your inner world because that path will lead you numbness.
Trust me…I know, and I don’t want you to have to be in a cycle that isn't making you feel alive.
Feeling alive and happy is key so I’m going to explain everything you need to know about your true/real self!
Your REAL SELF is: Who you are when you feel most authentic, genuine, or spirited.
Here is a list for you of 24-character traits contrasting between the real self and false self.
If you haven’t heard the terms real self or false self before, your probably new to my coaching community. The idea of acting from our false self may seem strange.
Of course, you always do what makes you happy. Wanting to be happy is your real self. When you think about it it’s strange that we would act from a false place to get something real.
Even if you think you know about your true and false self our tendency as people is to act from our false self when faced with a challenge where we are emotionally blocked. This tendency will stay with us for life. We often write off challenging times as normal because we are not aware of our inner world and get used to parts of life simply being an uphill battle. Because of this we need to be vigilant and continually aware of our inner world.
Then there are questions like how do I know if I’m self-aware? What do I need to do to be more aware of my inner world? I already know myself and I’m still not satisfied. Where am I blocked?
So, if you’ve been feeling blocked or stuck in parts of your life and you don’t know why this blog post is for you!
Sometimes you just have to go back to basics.
Walt Disney taught his staff that if your friendly and keep the parks clean you’ll be good to go. Nothing about iPhones or high-end technology. He knew the power of focusing on the basics.
So what exactly are the real self and false self?
The real and false selves are two contrasting places we act from. We act from our real self when we feel free, alive, and genuine. On the other hand, when we are acting from feeling uncomfortable, strained, or unauthentic as if your hiding behind a mask this is the false self.
You may not be aware of your false self, however it’s there.
Sometimes this mask is completely hidden and sabotages you in sneaky ways.
For ex. most woman often don’t think they’re acting from their false self. Instead, they just tell themselves that they don’t like another person when really, they got incredibly hurt.
Its way too easy to survive through life thinking all your pain is something outside yourself.
You know, things like your boss telling you that you need to work harder, your sibling dating someone you don’t like, your friend not sticking up for herself to the rude man she met at the bar or any other situation “worthy” of misdirected advice. AKA your misunderstood pain.
The sibling dating someone you don’t like wouldn’t be with him if she didn’t feel a connection to him. Your triggered by something about her being with him. Therefore, you may get upset or even express anger at her for making a stupid or dumb choice to be with this man.
The sibling on the other hand does feel benefits from the relationship and needs your acceptance and loving support to be real with herself. Not a projection of your pain onto her.
Now don’t get me wrong: there are certainly external factors or people that can affect us. But believing that you can’t do anything about those people or life factors and feel more genuine or alive is purely an inside job.
I call it gaining insight and clarity to your complex inner world and it feels incredibly amazing!
This is the work of RECLAIMING your real self…and transformation to your dream life!
Reclaiming your real self is reclaiming your power.
Just make sure you know when your mask is on (Spoiler alert: it for sure is every day!) so you can take it off and stop it from standing in your way!
I work one on one with woman to help them find their real self, strengthen their relationships and truly love their life in my program Self Mastery. Click here to learn more about self mastery or book a discovery call with me below. I would love to support you.